missing my friends

i really have no clue. my main point for writing this is to speak on friendships i have messed up in. why does it smell so funky in this room? really, it smells strange. i'm a much better friend than i used to be, although i still suck. but i remember judging, i remember pushing things, i remember being jealous. i remember, in essence, using my friends without intentionally trying to do so. but i was also stuck in a world i do not wish to ever go back to. i'm embarrassed by my mistreatment of my friends in the past. i'm constantly evolving into...somebody. who was i then? who am i now? i get to choose who i'm going to be. i don't get to choose what happens to me. i get to choose who i'm going to be. i have chosen to do wrong in the past, but i am trying hard not to choose that for the future. i don't like the way things have been. i am slowly shedding all of the skin i was in. i am slowly divorcing myself. sometimes we must do this to discover our true identity.