i'mma soldier

i'm a jerk. it's true. i really am a big, huge jerk most of the time. some really good people are big jerks and they don't particularly mean to be. like tobymac. I was watching an unfinished movie from dc talk's first big tour way back in 1994 or something. they had become a big act and dc talk was no longer just an opening act. toby has a way of pushing things and people to the limit. i found it interesting to watch the portion of the film that focused entirely on just him and the way he treated his bandmates. he was a jerk without trying to be. toby is a humble jerk. today i feel like a big fat jerk.

but what was on my mind throughout today was an article i read this morning when i was supposed to be getting ready for college classes. yesterday patrick found an article in dallas morning news about college student interns and how helpful internships are for students. "interns get on fast track." but that wasn't the article i read this morning. i read "tired of the same old drill? army can provide new start." i've honestly always been curious about the thought of joining the military, especially since sarah had her fling with the air force. i have actually almost decided that i will seriously seriously consider joining a branch if i end up a few years removed from a college degree, unable to find any kind of job that i am happy with, and still unmarried. i personally can't see myself unable to find work that i will be content with, as i am already trying to plan out what i want to do even while still in college. but there's still that curiosity about the military, that feeling that i would actually be contently productive and acquire the skills i should have learned growing up. my mom's strange stance against the military even before the war (if I recall correctly) only peaks my curiosity and rebellious side all the more. i'm pretty sure i won't be that scared of the war, especially if obama finds a way to pull us out in one piece. i remember hearing the statistic that it's easier to be hit by a bus out in the street than to be killed in the "war in Iraq." besides, this isn't about the war or supporting a liberal president. this is about me. (but for now i am safe and sound at baylor university whuut!!) http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/classifieds/news/jobcenter/careeradvice/stories/DN-culpcol_06emp.ART0.State.Edition1.4d60b19.html

now seriously, i've got to write two essays, read several from the textbook, and still be able to stay krunk! i know i will be able to do this however, because i am listening to seriously dope gypsy beats. getcha some fo real. http://www.amazon.com/Seriously-Good-Music-Gypsy-Beats/dp/B000R7I2SS/ref=pd_bbs_sr_3?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1215466773&sr=8-3

missing my friends

i really have no clue. my main point for writing this is to speak on friendships i have messed up in. why does it smell so funky in this room? really, it smells strange. i'm a much better friend than i used to be, although i still suck. but i remember judging, i remember pushing things, i remember being jealous. i remember, in essence, using my friends without intentionally trying to do so. but i was also stuck in a world i do not wish to ever go back to. i'm embarrassed by my mistreatment of my friends in the past. i'm constantly evolving into...somebody. who was i then? who am i now? i get to choose who i'm going to be. i don't get to choose what happens to me. i get to choose who i'm going to be. i have chosen to do wrong in the past, but i am trying hard not to choose that for the future. i don't like the way things have been. i am slowly shedding all of the skin i was in. i am slowly divorcing myself. sometimes we must do this to discover our true identity.

:)

so i'm deciding to write because i just found out that two very cool people who also happen to be my college friends have a blog on blogger! i'm just randomly going to write what's going on in my life, eighth grade-style. i'm embarrassed already.

um, summer school. it has been enjoyable, i just officially met this cool guy in my college algebra class named Eddy, and found out that he has also heard Alanis Morissette's cover of "My Humps." i don't even know why i'm in this class. baylor does not even offer college algebra. i need the math refreshment...i'm getting a C in this class or something.

my english ii/composition ii class is aight...my prof keeps it krunk, but we have essays due every week so that sucks. not gonna lie though, the prof is great. i mean, we talk about hilary clinton and frankenstein in there!

i've been talking to this boy who goes to oklahoma university, it's been fun. although i've recently started a trend of unintentionally making myself sick when i like a guy...strange things go on in my brain. i basically get to the point where i have trouble even eating. it's happened with two or three guys.

i haven't practiced violin since the last time i practiced, which was at the end of last semester. i'm glad. i'd actually like to burn that piece of crap. can't wait to play next semester!

um, i've been listening to kanye west and de la soul and talib kweli. i've been listening to tobymac's live CD/DVD literally every day. i'm still formulating my white girl plan to overtake the rap community. maybe just the christian rap community.

i really wish this guy named Frances from nigeria would stop calling me. oh why did i give him my phone number??

¡Mexico!

So I think this is the best time in Mexico I've had so far. I've been to Oaxaca three times and Cuernavaca once. The group from the university in my hometown is small and compact...they're all muy padre and I like them. I get sick everytime I come to Mexico. Of course, I think I'm still paying for what I did to my body this entire semester in college. I'm never doing that again. I was getting sick the last few days of the semester, and I only had two or three days after I left school before we left for Mexico. I didn't get as ridiculously sick as I should have because my sister bought me some good preventive medicines and I slept the entire day before going home to pack my things. Anyway, I came down with illness before we were one week into our Mexico trip. I've been sick since Friday, when I became really tired, my whole body ached, and I could feel a fever coming on. Advil is from God, but it wears off. I have spent most of the past two days in my bed, so tired and feeling so weak and helpless. Quite an odd feeling to realize how weak you are. But dang, the view from my window is awesome! We spent most of the first week at the seminary in Xoxo, now we are all with different families in their homes, and next week we are going back to the seminary before we return to Tejas. I have my own room in this house! I love the view, especially at night! We are on the mountains, so you can see all the lights from the houses and things. I am going to take pictures, so I will post those on here. I think my understanding of Spanish is getting better...this has been a great trip so far, except for the sickness.

Weird, but true. My first choice was the cover with Toby flying through the air into the crowd...

I just got to see four possible choices for the front cover of Toby's live album (kind of like when I got to choose his last album title? I chose Portable Sounds, and that's what it ended up being). And can I say that all of the choices were aamazing? I was feeling all of them. Odd that two of them featured a cool pic of Toby against a backdrop of a yellow background. This is odd because for Portable Sounds, I had envisioned the disc containing a lot of yellow and black in its color scheme. Yellow just seemed like Toby's color. I told Sarah about it and she understood as well...we began to see these sweet little yellow sports cars and point out, "There's Toby's car..." I guess that sounds weird, but it makes sense to us. Sarah's boyfriend (now husband) even began to point out Toby cars. It makes perfect sense to see Toby riding around with shades in one of those cars. It's just so him.

I finally got to relax tonight and watch some Thursday night basketball. My Lake Show is doing incredible...one of the top three teams in the league, I think. Pau Gasol is doing an amazing job. Kobe was killin', and Derek Fisher is still my hero. I saw the starting lineup and I thought, "Now this is a team that feels classic." It just has that classic feel. I'm excited. I actually played in two intramural bball games here at HSU...one last week and one on Tuesday night. I sucked, but I still want to keep playing. The team I joined (late) lost Tuesday's game, and it knocked us out of the tournament. The team was called "Those Idiots"...funny stuff. The players were all kind, and good players.

Humm...so much going on with music right now. I'm recording some stuff in the studio (where I work) and what I've come up with is definitely interesting. I'll let y'all check it out soon. Leave me some love here if you read this. I want to know if this post is read. Um, I still suck at the violin, but sometimes I really love it. The HSU Orchestra is playing some extremely cool pieces...I hope we can pull it all together for our concert, which is next Friday! We're doing a full requiem with the concert choir, and a piece with an internationally known guest guitarist. It's good stuff. Too bad we'll miss the Newboys at Abilene Christian University. Crummy classical music.

I'm really excited because I can feel God bringing me up and taking me somewhere. I don't know where, but it's gonna be good...I've just gotta make it through haters if people in my life don't like what I'm doing. I don't know where this post came from...I usually can't figure out what I want to say. Now I'm flowin'. I guess my writing class is paying off, or something. Either that or it's just 'cause I write down random stuff in my notebook all the time, and I had a private journal that I was using for my flowing thoughts. Good stuff. Take it easy.

Wait, I think this post came because I don't care what people think anymore.

Thank God the Lakers finally got rid of Kwame Brown!!!

Now we've got Pau Gasol!!!!!!!!!!!!

I unpack my clothes, and peace flows out of my suitcase.

At this moment I feel almost completely at peace.

Classes start tomorrow morning and so does the thoughtful craziness that is going to be my life. Upcoming journal posts will be more than just updates on my life. It's gonna be good, I promise.

Oh, and Family Force 5 is coming to Abilene on Thursday. I had "Luv Addict" by FF5 on my Myspace profile (waaay back when I had one) for months straight. Falling Up is coming too. Sometimes I like to listen to them.