i'mma soldier

i'm a jerk. it's true. i really am a big, huge jerk most of the time. some really good people are big jerks and they don't particularly mean to be. like tobymac. I was watching an unfinished movie from dc talk's first big tour way back in 1994 or something. they had become a big act and dc talk was no longer just an opening act. toby has a way of pushing things and people to the limit. i found it interesting to watch the portion of the film that focused entirely on just him and the way he treated his bandmates. he was a jerk without trying to be. toby is a humble jerk. today i feel like a big fat jerk.

but what was on my mind throughout today was an article i read this morning when i was supposed to be getting ready for college classes. yesterday patrick found an article in dallas morning news about college student interns and how helpful internships are for students. "interns get on fast track." but that wasn't the article i read this morning. i read "tired of the same old drill? army can provide new start." i've honestly always been curious about the thought of joining the military, especially since sarah had her fling with the air force. i have actually almost decided that i will seriously seriously consider joining a branch if i end up a few years removed from a college degree, unable to find any kind of job that i am happy with, and still unmarried. i personally can't see myself unable to find work that i will be content with, as i am already trying to plan out what i want to do even while still in college. but there's still that curiosity about the military, that feeling that i would actually be contently productive and acquire the skills i should have learned growing up. my mom's strange stance against the military even before the war (if I recall correctly) only peaks my curiosity and rebellious side all the more. i'm pretty sure i won't be that scared of the war, especially if obama finds a way to pull us out in one piece. i remember hearing the statistic that it's easier to be hit by a bus out in the street than to be killed in the "war in Iraq." besides, this isn't about the war or supporting a liberal president. this is about me. (but for now i am safe and sound at baylor university whuut!!) http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/classifieds/news/jobcenter/careeradvice/stories/DN-culpcol_06emp.ART0.State.Edition1.4d60b19.html

now seriously, i've got to write two essays, read several from the textbook, and still be able to stay krunk! i know i will be able to do this however, because i am listening to seriously dope gypsy beats. getcha some fo real. http://www.amazon.com/Seriously-Good-Music-Gypsy-Beats/dp/B000R7I2SS/ref=pd_bbs_sr_3?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1215466773&sr=8-3

missing my friends

i really have no clue. my main point for writing this is to speak on friendships i have messed up in. why does it smell so funky in this room? really, it smells strange. i'm a much better friend than i used to be, although i still suck. but i remember judging, i remember pushing things, i remember being jealous. i remember, in essence, using my friends without intentionally trying to do so. but i was also stuck in a world i do not wish to ever go back to. i'm embarrassed by my mistreatment of my friends in the past. i'm constantly evolving into...somebody. who was i then? who am i now? i get to choose who i'm going to be. i don't get to choose what happens to me. i get to choose who i'm going to be. i have chosen to do wrong in the past, but i am trying hard not to choose that for the future. i don't like the way things have been. i am slowly shedding all of the skin i was in. i am slowly divorcing myself. sometimes we must do this to discover our true identity.

:)

so i'm deciding to write because i just found out that two very cool people who also happen to be my college friends have a blog on blogger! i'm just randomly going to write what's going on in my life, eighth grade-style. i'm embarrassed already.

um, summer school. it has been enjoyable, i just officially met this cool guy in my college algebra class named Eddy, and found out that he has also heard Alanis Morissette's cover of "My Humps." i don't even know why i'm in this class. baylor does not even offer college algebra. i need the math refreshment...i'm getting a C in this class or something.

my english ii/composition ii class is aight...my prof keeps it krunk, but we have essays due every week so that sucks. not gonna lie though, the prof is great. i mean, we talk about hilary clinton and frankenstein in there!

i've been talking to this boy who goes to oklahoma university, it's been fun. although i've recently started a trend of unintentionally making myself sick when i like a guy...strange things go on in my brain. i basically get to the point where i have trouble even eating. it's happened with two or three guys.

i haven't practiced violin since the last time i practiced, which was at the end of last semester. i'm glad. i'd actually like to burn that piece of crap. can't wait to play next semester!

um, i've been listening to kanye west and de la soul and talib kweli. i've been listening to tobymac's live CD/DVD literally every day. i'm still formulating my white girl plan to overtake the rap community. maybe just the christian rap community.

i really wish this guy named Frances from nigeria would stop calling me. oh why did i give him my phone number??